I hear you on this one. I stopped using car washes about 2 years ago. I wash my car myself. Its better for your cars paint in the long run.
As for waxes, it really depends on your preference as as well. There are liquid waxes, paste waxes, and spray waxes. Which ever one you prefer my suggestion would be its a Meguiar's brand because thats all I use, and their products rule all
What Mayo suggested is an exellent choice, but it is kind of pricey. I believe they run for about $12. If you're looking for something a little less expensive I would suggest is Meguiar's COLORx which is a polish and wax (good for those lil scratches you have now and also good for brighting the color of your car) or Meguiar's Cleaner Wax, both products go for about $7 a piece.