- Oct 11, 2005 5:41:45 pm
i found this on another site and thought i might share, some are pretty funny
your car might be a ricer if:
• Your exhaust / stereo produces more decibels than your engine produces horsepower.
• You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
• We will include the fact that you actually have slicks on the front.
• Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
• You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
• You painted your hood black.
• You have unpainted fiberglass parts on your car.
• You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual.
• Neutral drops are the only way to smoke your tires, so you do one at every stop sign.
• DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
• Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
• You claimed to have installed a Honda engine into anything Non-Honda.
• A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
• Your car looks like a gay pride parade float.
• Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
• Your rims are of a larger diameter then your factory tires.
• 100 spoke Daytons look cool on anything and everything, even that Plymouth Reliant Station Wagon (with the fake wood trim)
• The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
• The mechanics have to drive the car up onto 2x4s just to get the car onto a lift.
• Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1".
• You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
• You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
• You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
• You ask the guys at Autozone to borrow tools so you can clamp on that Cherry Bomb and chrome exhaust tip you just bought from them.
• You need their assistance to install the parts.
• Your Neon ACR is an automatic.
• Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
• Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
• You believe that a lower center of gravity ALWAYS improves handling and are willing to forgo things like swaybars or shocks to "get in the weeds"
• You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
• Your thoroughly impressed when all that hard work finally pays off with a 15 sec ET.
• You run OEM sized exhaust into a glasspack, then add a 4" chrome tip to "reduce backpressure"
• Your rear wing AND your rear window have a 3rd brake light.
• Your rear wing doubles as a coffee table (or looks like it used to be one).
• Your more concerned that the back lighting in the gauges works long before the actual gauges are hooked up (assuming you even are bothered to hook them up).
• You have temp gauge(s) for your amp(s) and rely on the factory "idiot light" for oil pressure.
• You cut 4 coil out of your springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
• You believe "drifting" is the shortest and fastest way around a corner.
• You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
• You install clear corner and brake lights with colorred bulbs.
• Blowers are nice but you'd rather be stickercharged.
• You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
• Your too cheap for neons so you rig up some Xmas tree lights.
• You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match.
• Your rear spoiler is taller (or fatter) then you are.
• If you can fist your exhaust tip.
• You have more wattage than some radio stations.
• If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you've done to your engine yet.
• If your trying to decide whether "The Tornado"™ or Split Fire™ spark plugs offer more bang for the buck.
• You get saucy and decide you can afford both -- now your Swift is a real pavement pounder.
• Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three-tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
• You have a nonfunctional air inlet/scoop ANYWHERE.
• EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
• Your car is really fast because you installed 2 NOS bottles (the really big ones).
• You fail to know that NOS is a company that supplies Nitrous Oxide Systems (or an acronym for New Old Stock)
• Your $45,000. total investment into a 1,500 horsepower Supra runs the 1/4 1 second faster then a bone stock 86 Grand National.
• You spent $5,000 (or more) on the engine and you cannot out run a bone stock V-8 Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang (especially when you brag about outruning the V-6 variations).
• You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
• You installed a fake "naws" purge.
• You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
• The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4 mile.
• The automatic (once tweaked) runs the same ET but at a slower trap speed.
• If the 1970 Plymouth Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
• You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
• You think sports cars can have back-seats.
• A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
• You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance.
• You hear a lawn mower start and think that is "one mean sounding Honda"
• You look at performance solely by gross HP/cc, and this causes you think your 1.8 liter producing nearly 160 horses is cooler than a 350 HP Camaro.
• You believe engines should ping every time you let off the gas.
• If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque.
• If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
• Your car is stock except for .... (stock means stock).
• If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog/driving lights.
• If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your ET.
• Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards).
• You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Tiberon.
• If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door/window frame.
• If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
• MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
• You can't forget to apply the stickers to your car (less wind resistance).
• Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
• Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!").
• After riding in your car, people can close their eyes and still see the color of your interior upholstery.
• If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
• If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts/tape.
• If you think that 180 horsepower and 125 LB/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
• If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
• You have stickers on your car for parts, EVERYONE else knows aren't made to fit a Toyota (i.e., a Holley Dominator sticker for your Celica).
• You think pushrods are a bad thing…
• You've never seen a timing CHAIN, just rubber bands.
• Your car has more then 16 decals and you don't even run 16 second quarters.
• Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Civic was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
• If you gutted the interior to save weight and installed every "go fast goodie" you could find for a car that you will never take to the track…
• You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
• You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
• If you can estimate that your car makes more than 450 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
• You believe that dyno results win races.
• You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
• If you have ever thought Nissan and "performance" are synonymous.
• If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
• If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Prism…
• If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself...
• If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
• You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar.
• You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon™ and it's peeling - Badly.
• Your DSM isn't really rice because it was made in Illinois.
• Your Toyota built Prism isn't rice because of that Chevy emblem.
• You claim that polishing your intake gave you 25hp.
• You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially if its a RX-7 - rotary engine, duh).
• You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
• Spending almost twice the cost of a new Z-06 is justified by your Accord running a comparable ET.
• You race every weekend at the dragstrip but you don't know the number or sequence of the amber lights on a bracket or pro-tree.
• You didn't know there was a difference.
• Street racing is cool/tracks are for wusses (tell that to Warren Johnson).
• If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
• You think carbon fiber look plastic interior trim makes your car cool.
• You estimate a 10 sec ET using a stop watch and your odometer.
• Your cool with domestics because your other vehicle is a GMC 454SS (these were Chevy's) or a Chevy Cyclone....(please note: GMC Syclone, Cyclones were Mercury).
• You've spent large sums of money buying carbon fiber and fiberglass parts, yet you still have the carpeting, headliner, door panels, power locks, power windows, a stereo, A/C and that power moonroof.
• You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible.
• If you paint your factory calipers red to simulate a set of Brembos.
• If you install fake hi-PO caliper/disc simulators.
• If you install covers painted to match the body to hide your stock brakes/suspension that would otherwise be highly visible through the spokes of your 18 inch BBS rims.
• You have a front wing.
• If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14" wheels with disc style wheel covers.
• If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™.
• If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool.
• If you think colored head lights work better.
• Clear tail lights and turn signals. They're colored for a REASON!
• If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it.
• You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch.
• You refer to your Neon as a "mini-Viper". Yanno RT/10 owners must love that.
• You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
• You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
• You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
• You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice.
• Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths ahead of you... and claiming victory.
• After losing you, flip off the winner, rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose (even around a corner).
• Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills".
• You are a white kid driving an import.. wearing baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
• You drive around in a $3,000 import with $25,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
• You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring.
• Good Charlotte is punk, not just an over-glorified boy band.
• You quote The Fast and The Furious.
• You really believe a 10 sec car was built from that burnt up shell.
• You impatiently waited for the sequel.
• You and your buddies spend the weekend at Sonic watching both movies on your indash DVD player.
• You relate to Eminim because you lived his life (aside from the money and fame).
your car might be a ricer if:
• Your exhaust / stereo produces more decibels than your engine produces horsepower.
• You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
• We will include the fact that you actually have slicks on the front.
• Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
• You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
• You painted your hood black.
• You have unpainted fiberglass parts on your car.
• You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual.
• Neutral drops are the only way to smoke your tires, so you do one at every stop sign.
• DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
• Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
• You claimed to have installed a Honda engine into anything Non-Honda.
• A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
• Your car looks like a gay pride parade float.
• Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
• Your rims are of a larger diameter then your factory tires.
• 100 spoke Daytons look cool on anything and everything, even that Plymouth Reliant Station Wagon (with the fake wood trim)
• The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
• The mechanics have to drive the car up onto 2x4s just to get the car onto a lift.
• Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1".
• You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
• You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
• You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
• You ask the guys at Autozone to borrow tools so you can clamp on that Cherry Bomb and chrome exhaust tip you just bought from them.
• You need their assistance to install the parts.
• Your Neon ACR is an automatic.
• Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
• Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
• You believe that a lower center of gravity ALWAYS improves handling and are willing to forgo things like swaybars or shocks to "get in the weeds"
• You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
• Your thoroughly impressed when all that hard work finally pays off with a 15 sec ET.
• You run OEM sized exhaust into a glasspack, then add a 4" chrome tip to "reduce backpressure"
• Your rear wing AND your rear window have a 3rd brake light.
• Your rear wing doubles as a coffee table (or looks like it used to be one).
• Your more concerned that the back lighting in the gauges works long before the actual gauges are hooked up (assuming you even are bothered to hook them up).
• You have temp gauge(s) for your amp(s) and rely on the factory "idiot light" for oil pressure.
• You cut 4 coil out of your springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
• You believe "drifting" is the shortest and fastest way around a corner.
• You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
• You install clear corner and brake lights with colorred bulbs.
• Blowers are nice but you'd rather be stickercharged.
• You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
• Your too cheap for neons so you rig up some Xmas tree lights.
• You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match.
• Your rear spoiler is taller (or fatter) then you are.
• If you can fist your exhaust tip.
• You have more wattage than some radio stations.
• If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you've done to your engine yet.
• If your trying to decide whether "The Tornado"™ or Split Fire™ spark plugs offer more bang for the buck.
• You get saucy and decide you can afford both -- now your Swift is a real pavement pounder.
• Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three-tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
• You have a nonfunctional air inlet/scoop ANYWHERE.
• EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
• Your car is really fast because you installed 2 NOS bottles (the really big ones).
• You fail to know that NOS is a company that supplies Nitrous Oxide Systems (or an acronym for New Old Stock)
• Your $45,000. total investment into a 1,500 horsepower Supra runs the 1/4 1 second faster then a bone stock 86 Grand National.
• You spent $5,000 (or more) on the engine and you cannot out run a bone stock V-8 Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang (especially when you brag about outruning the V-6 variations).
• You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
• You installed a fake "naws" purge.
• You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
• The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4 mile.
• The automatic (once tweaked) runs the same ET but at a slower trap speed.
• If the 1970 Plymouth Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
• You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
• You think sports cars can have back-seats.
• A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
• You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance.
• You hear a lawn mower start and think that is "one mean sounding Honda"
• You look at performance solely by gross HP/cc, and this causes you think your 1.8 liter producing nearly 160 horses is cooler than a 350 HP Camaro.
• You believe engines should ping every time you let off the gas.
• If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque.
• If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
• Your car is stock except for .... (stock means stock).
• If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog/driving lights.
• If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your ET.
• Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards).
• You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Tiberon.
• If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door/window frame.
• If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
• MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
• You can't forget to apply the stickers to your car (less wind resistance).
• Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
• Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!").
• After riding in your car, people can close their eyes and still see the color of your interior upholstery.
• If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
• If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts/tape.
• If you think that 180 horsepower and 125 LB/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
• If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
• You have stickers on your car for parts, EVERYONE else knows aren't made to fit a Toyota (i.e., a Holley Dominator sticker for your Celica).
• You think pushrods are a bad thing…
• You've never seen a timing CHAIN, just rubber bands.
• Your car has more then 16 decals and you don't even run 16 second quarters.
• Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Civic was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
• If you gutted the interior to save weight and installed every "go fast goodie" you could find for a car that you will never take to the track…
• You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
• You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
• If you can estimate that your car makes more than 450 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
• You believe that dyno results win races.
• You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
• If you have ever thought Nissan and "performance" are synonymous.
• If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
• If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Prism…
• If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself...
• If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
• You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar.
• You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon™ and it's peeling - Badly.
• Your DSM isn't really rice because it was made in Illinois.
• Your Toyota built Prism isn't rice because of that Chevy emblem.
• You claim that polishing your intake gave you 25hp.
• You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially if its a RX-7 - rotary engine, duh).
• You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
• Spending almost twice the cost of a new Z-06 is justified by your Accord running a comparable ET.
• You race every weekend at the dragstrip but you don't know the number or sequence of the amber lights on a bracket or pro-tree.
• You didn't know there was a difference.
• Street racing is cool/tracks are for wusses (tell that to Warren Johnson).
• If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
• You think carbon fiber look plastic interior trim makes your car cool.
• You estimate a 10 sec ET using a stop watch and your odometer.
• Your cool with domestics because your other vehicle is a GMC 454SS (these were Chevy's) or a Chevy Cyclone....(please note: GMC Syclone, Cyclones were Mercury).
• You've spent large sums of money buying carbon fiber and fiberglass parts, yet you still have the carpeting, headliner, door panels, power locks, power windows, a stereo, A/C and that power moonroof.
• You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible.
• If you paint your factory calipers red to simulate a set of Brembos.
• If you install fake hi-PO caliper/disc simulators.
• If you install covers painted to match the body to hide your stock brakes/suspension that would otherwise be highly visible through the spokes of your 18 inch BBS rims.
• You have a front wing.
• If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14" wheels with disc style wheel covers.
• If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™.
• If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool.
• If you think colored head lights work better.
• Clear tail lights and turn signals. They're colored for a REASON!
• If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it.
• You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch.
• You refer to your Neon as a "mini-Viper". Yanno RT/10 owners must love that.
• You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
• You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
• You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
• You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice.
• Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths ahead of you... and claiming victory.
• After losing you, flip off the winner, rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose (even around a corner).
• Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills".
• You are a white kid driving an import.. wearing baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
• You drive around in a $3,000 import with $25,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
• You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring.
• Good Charlotte is punk, not just an over-glorified boy band.
• You quote The Fast and The Furious.
• You really believe a 10 sec car was built from that burnt up shell.
• You impatiently waited for the sequel.
• You and your buddies spend the weekend at Sonic watching both movies on your indash DVD player.
• You relate to Eminim because you lived his life (aside from the money and fame).
. Nothing beats the sound of an american v8. 
